Fort Augustus lighthouse
I never thought I would be compiling a 4th Special Edition newsletter, but here it is. I have again selected some pictures taken by a nephew who lives in Balmain, New South Wales taken on a trip to, where else, Scotland.
I hope you are all well and staying dancing fit while staying at home. It is hard when you do not have others to make up a set but you can improvise or just imagine they are there. We used cones when we tried to dance outside. It has to be something small, especially if you are dancing inside. Chairs are too big but you could use a pair of shoes though you have to look down to see them. I am carrying on the theme of the special editions so here is another cheery note to try to brighten your day with nothing but pictures, jokes and videos. I hope it finds you all well and that this will lift your spirits.
Thanks to those who continue to send jokes, videos, etc. without which these newsletters would not be the same.
Gallery Of Modern Art, Glasgow (I knew it as the Royal Exchange or the Stirling Library)
Glasgow University
“Lexophile” describes those who have a love for words, such as “you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish”, or “To write with a broken pencil is pointless.”
An annual competition is held by the New York Times to see who can create the best original lexophile.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.
I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
When chemists die, they barium.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .
Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I’d swear I’ve never met herbivore
Inverlochy Castle A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself,
“Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.
Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine…”
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, “What are you doing?”
The little boy answered, “I’m doing my math homework, Mom.”
“And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?” the mother asked.
“Yes,” he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, “What are you teaching my son in math?”
The teacher replied, “Right now, we are learning addition.”
The mother asked, “And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?”
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, “What I taught them was, two plus two,
THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.”
Invermoriston Bridge
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
A will is a dead giveaway.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
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Inverness Castle
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story
where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, “…. and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, “The sky is falling, the sky is falling!”
The teacher paused then asked the class, “And what do you think that farmer said?”
One little girl raised her hand and said,
“I think he said: ‘Holy shit! A talking chicken!'”
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Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
A bicycle can’t stand alone; it’s just two tired.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.
He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.
Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.
Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.
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This was forwarded to me so I would like to share it with you:-
Dear Scottish Country Dance friends and those who like to go to Scotland! Here is a video with song that gives you a picture of this place we like so much! This comes from a Scottish friend of mine who lives here in Vienna whose house features in the first few moments!
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An unusual view of Kylesku Bridge (The bridge to Skye)
A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, “I’m Mr Sugarbrown’s daughter.”
Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, “I’m Jane Sugarbrown.”
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,
“Aren’t you Mr. Sugarbrown’s daughter?” She replied, “I thought I was, but mother says I’m not.”
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Leanach Cottage, Culloden
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Good thinking
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Donald Trump goes on a fact-finding visit to Israel. While he is on a tour of Jerusalem he suffers a heart attack and dies. The undertaker tells the American diplomats accompanying him,”You can have him shipped home for $50,000, or you can bury him here, in the Holy Land, for just $100.” The American diplomats go into a corner to discuss for a few minutes. They return with their answer to the undertaker and tell him they want Donald Trump shipped home. The undertaker is puzzled and asks, “Why would you spend $50,000 to ship him home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $100?” The American diplomats reply, “Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. We just can’t take the risk.”
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Some fun and interesting sites: – note if you have a link to something you think others will enjoy send me the link. Sound on, full screen:
We have stronger beer
http://videos2view.net/stronger-beer.htm
An oldie but worth repeating
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Quite the art
He is 94 she is 91!!!
Quite the bakery
Save lives
hope it uplifts the spirits
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Loch Duich
A.A.A.D.D.- KNOW THE SYMPTOMS!
Thank goodness there’s a name for this disorder.
Age-Activated Attention-Deficit Disorder.
This is how it manifests:
I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway,
I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.
As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys on the table, Put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, And notice that the can is full.
So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first…
But then I think, Since I’m going to be near the mailbox When I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.
I take my check book off the table, And see that there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, So I go inside the house to my desk where
I find the can of Pepsi I’d been drinking .
I’m going to look for my checks, But first I need to push the Pepsi aside So that I don’t accidentally knock it over. The Pepsi is getting warm,
And I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi, A vase of flowers on the counter Catches my eye–they need water.
I put the Pepsi on the counter and Discover my reading glasses that I’ve been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk,
But first I’m going to water the flowers.
I set the glasses back down on the counter , Fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I’ll be looking for the remote, But I won’t remember that it’s on the kitchen table, So I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,
But first I’ll water the flowers.
I pour some water in the flowers, But quite a bit of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back on the table, Get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then, I head down the hall trying to Remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day:
The car isn’t washed,
The bills aren’t paid,
There is a warm can of Pepsi sitting on the counter,
The flowers don’t have enough water,
There is still only 1 check in my check book,
I can’t find the remote,
I can’t find my glasses,
And I don’t remember what I did with the car keys.
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,
I’m really baffled because I know I was busy all day,
And I’m really tired.
I realize this is a serious problem,
And I’ll try to get some help for it, but first I’ll check my e-mail….
Do me a favor
Forward this message to everyone you know, Because I don’t remember who I’ve sent it to.
Don’t laugh — if this isn’t you yet, your day is coming!
P.S. I don’t remember who sent it to me, so if it was you, I’m sorry.
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Loch Eilt
All events have been cancelled or postponed but you should check first. Check up on your neighbours, friends and those in need. A kind word will help their troubles. There is much to be thankful for and we are blessed. I hope you are all well and if not get better soon. I would love to hear from you – drop me a line at duncanmackenzie@telus.net
Remember “MASH” well they know what we have to do:
Hope this newsletter brings a smile to some faces. Please forward it to all your friends. I am about to try to devise a dance for 2 people keeping a social distance. Maybe I will make a video and include it in a future newsletter!!
Take care and be safe, I miss you all.
Loch Shiel
May your troubles be one, may your blessings be more,
and may nothing but happiness come through your door.
Duncan MacKenzie
ceilidh@rscdsvancouver.org