NOTICE RE CEILIDH DANCES:-
When last winter we were booking the hall for the Ceilidh Dances for the 2020/21 season we wondered about the date for tonight and whether Halloween celebrations would affect the attendance. No thought of a pandemic crossed out minds. But here we are in the midst of one and of course tonight’s dance along with those on November 27, January 29 and February 26 have been cancelled so there will be nobody in attendance tonight!
Updates will be announced if there are any changes or more cancellations. It does not look good for the rest of this season but I am loath to announce the cancellation of the whole season of Ceilidh dancing. I will leave it open for the faint possibility of dances in March and April. In the meantime be kind, calm and safe.
Old Spedling Castle.s Ghost – Gordon Shand & his Scottish Dance Band – Reels & Wheels
Trying to physically distance at the wedding – Luskentyre beach, Lewis
You will have been wondering when the next newsletter was coming. It is obvious that I started this on October 30 but as find it painful to sit for any length of time goodness knows when it will be completed! I managed to trip and fall while at a plant nursery earlier this month. It was fine to begin with but then a few days later the pain began. After a week I ventured into Emergency which was very well organised. I was admitted, had x-rays of hip etc. a doctor reviewed these a told me he could see no fracture and I was back out in about 3 hours. Margaret was surprised when I phoned to ask he to pick me up.
I had to sleep on the chesterfield as I was too restless and had to sleep on my back. I waited another week before going to a Physiotherapist. 4 sessions later and it is much improved though I still can’t manage to put my left sock on and still have to sleep on my back but I am back in my bed!
Moon over Goatfell from Saltcoats
It is Halloween tomorrow and even with the pandemic there might be a few children out trick or treating. I can remember when I was young going to a few houses but we had to have a party piece – a recitation, song or joke – before we were given an apple or a piece of home baking or tablet nothing like today. Later on as the restrictions caused by the war were relaxed we maybe got a small packet of sweeties (candy). Last year we only had one child brave enough to venture up to our house but Margaret has put some decorations up so we may get a few more. The less there are the more for me!!
First Christmas Joke
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
‘In honour of this holy season’ Saint Peter said, ‘You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.’
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. ‘It’s a candle’, he said.
‘You may pass through the pearly gates’ Saint Peter said.
The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, ‘They’re bells.’
Saint Peter said ‘You may pass through the pearly gates’.
The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, ‘And just what do those symbolize?’
The paddy replied, ‘These are Carols.’
And So The Christmas Season
Fishing off the coast at Stonehaven
A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes. The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes.
The following Sunday, he talks for two hours and 48 minutes.
The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they asked him what happened.
The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn’t talk for more than eight minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put his wife’s teeth in by mistake and he couldn’t shut up.
I was at the bar the other night and overheard 3 very hefty women talking at the bar.
Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached and asked, “Hello, are you 3 lassies from Scotland?”
One of them angrily screeched, “It’s Wales, Wales you bloody idiot!”
So I apologized and replied, “I am so sorry. Are you 3 whales from Scotland?”
And that’s the last thing I remember
These exercises are only for people who fall gently.
Husband and wife team…
They do this so effortlessly, that is the beauty of this routine, which makes it funnier. And she in a dress and heels.
On a bitterly cold winter’s morning a husband and wife in Glasgow were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, “We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowploughs can get through”.
So the good wife went out and moved her car as instructed.
A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio Announcer said, “We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowploughs can get through.”
The good wife went out and moved her car again.
The next week they are again having breakfast when the radio announcer says, “We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park…….” Then the power went off.
The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, “I don’t know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowploughs can get through?”
Then, with all the love and understanding in his voice that men who are married to blondes always exhibit, the husband replied “Why don’t you just leave the bloody car in the garage this time?”
A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store.
The store clerk called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor.
The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency
open heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the
Catholic Hospital. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard
loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to
pay for his treatment.
“Do you have health insurance?” she asked.
He replied in a raspy voice, “No health insurance.”
The nun asked, “Do you have money in the bank?”
He replied, “No money in the bank.”
Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?”
asked the irritated nun.
He said, “I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun.”
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, “Nuns are not spinsters!
Nuns are married to God.”
The patient replied, “Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law.”
Glen Coe in fall colours
A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.
“I can’t do that, officer.” “Why not?” “Because I’m an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.”
“Okay, we’ll just get a urine sample down at the station.” “Can’t do that either, officer.” “Why not?” “Because I’m a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup.” ”
Alright, we could get a blood sample.” “Can’t do that either, officer.” “Why not?” “Because I’m a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die.
” “Fine then, just walk this white line.” “Can’t do that either, officer.” “Why not?”
“Because I’m drunk
Whigmaleeries 8x32R Craigievar Scottish Dance Band Highlander Scottish Dances Vol 14
River Nith, Dumfries
It is Tuesday, November 3! where did the time go? I had to give up earlier as I could sit no longer. Saturday I was doing my stint as caretaker at the Scottish Cultural Centre from 9 – 3. I had to be there to open up at 8-45 so it was an early start for us, Margaret came in to spend the day with some family. Then in the evening we waited for the rush of trick and treaters but not a single soul came through our gate! Then it was the White Rock SCDC zoom get together with 16 present, I think. Good to see everyone and they were all hale and hearty.
Sunday was a lazy day catching up on family etc. We also went for a walk in the sun. Yesterday I spent in the garden. We have two old oak half barrels which were falling apart. I had tried to patch them up but they had done their time – maybe 20+ years. So I had to dig the plants out, remove the soil and what was left of the wood then prepare the ground for the new cement pot and, with help from Margaret, maneuver the very heavy empty pot into place, fill it with soil and replace to plants. So now, all you who find our house by the wooden barrel please note it is now a large black pot!
I replaced the other barrel with a cheap plastic pot that we bought the day I tripped and fell. Large tree routes had grown into it so it was a struggle to get them out but I managed to get it done. Now the rains have come and I have not checked if all my work has been washed away.
So with the rain today I have no excuse if I do not get this finished and delivered today although I do have October bookkeeping for SCCS to get done.
Check out Alison’s Halloween decorations
Fairy Pools, Isle of Skye
Part of the attendees at the January 2013 Ceilidh Dance.
Photo taken by to late Stuart Somerville.
If you are interested in hearing what a group of UK nuns produced and is currently topping the charts there, then, you can hear a sample here:- (go down to where it says “Contents” then click on the arrow before each song the hear a sample.)
Baptising an Irishman
A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptising people in the river.
He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher.
The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk,
‘Are you ready to find Jesus?’
The drunk shouts, ‘Yes, oi am.’
So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.
He pulls him up and asks the drunk, ‘Brother have you found Jesus?’
The drunk replies, ‘No, oi haven’t found Jesus.’
The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer.
He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, ‘Have you found Jesus me brother?’
The drunk again answers, ‘No,oi I haven’t found Jesus.’
By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again — but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up. The preacher again asks the drunk, ‘For the love of God have you found Jesus?’
(Are you ready for this????)
The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher, ‘Are you sure dis is where he fell in?’
Some fun and interesting sites: – note if you have a link to something you think others will enjoy send me the link. Sound on, full screen:
I think you’ll like this video!
( I could use this chap for every one of my strokes!)
paper is not dead
picture is worth a thousand words??????
Village People – YMCA
NEVER HEARD IT EXPLAINED THIS WAY
Enjoy – forever male
Watch the German one first but I prefer the newfie
Good to know
1 man band
Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.
When it’s clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day Mike says, “Joe, we both loved rugby league all our lives, and we played rugby league on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there’s rugby there.”
Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed,” Mike, you’ve been my best friend for many years.. If it’s at all possible, I’ll do this favour for you.
Shortly after that, Joe passes on.
At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, “Mike–Mike..” “Who is it? asks Mike sitting up suddenly. “Who is it?”
“Mike–it’s me, Joe.”
“You’re not Joe. Joe just died.”
“I’m telling you, it’s me, Joe,” insists the voice.”
“Joe! Where are you?”
“In heaven”, replies Joe. “I have some really good news and a little bad news.”
“Tell me the good news first,” says Mike.
“The good news,” Joe says,” is that there’s rugby in heaven. Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we’re all young again. Better still, it’s always spring time and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play rugby all we want, and we never get tired.”
That’s fantastic,” says Mike. “It’s beyond my wildest dreams! So what’s the bad news?
“You’re in the team for this Saturday.”
New Howford Brig (The) – 8x32R Peter White Band Let’s Go Scottish Country Dancing 6
All events have been cancelled or postponed but you should check first. Check up on your neighbours, friends and those in need. A kind word will help their troubles. There is much to be thankful for and we are blessed. I hope you are all well and if not get better soon. I would love to hear from you – drop me a line at firstname.lastname@example.org
Thanks to all who sent me e-mails telling me of yourselves and how you are coping.
Hope this newsletter brings a smile to some faces. Please forward it to all your friends. Maybe see some of you on the Vancouver Branch November 11 Zoom get together? Find all about it at www.rscdsvancouver.org
Take care and be safe, I miss you all, but we’ll dance again
May your troubles be one, may your blessings be more,
and may nothing but happiness come through your door.